🌑 Soft Steps Through the Dark — Part 2

Shadow Work in Relationships & Projection

🌿  Shadow Work in Relationships: How Projection Shows Us What We Need to Heal

Introduction:

Have you ever met someone and felt instantly irritated—but couldn’t quite explain why? Or maybe you keep attracting the same type of partner over and over again. Shadow work in relationships asks us to pause and gently examine what’s happening under the surface.

So much of what we see in others—especially the things that make us flinch—are reflections of our own unhealed wounds. This isn’t about blame. It’s about becoming whole.

🌑 What Is Projection, Really?

Projection is a defense mechanism. When we repress or reject a part of ourselves—especially as children—we begin to see those disowned parts in other people. Our ego says, “That’s not me!” and throws it outside of ourselves.

But what if the things we loathe… are actually invitations?

Maybe the bossy friend reminds you of the assertiveness you were never allowed to show. Maybe the “too emotional” coworker reflects your own unprocessed grief.

Projection is tricky, but incredibly healing once we learn to spot it. It shows us what we still need to embrace.

🔍 Shadow Work Journal Prompts: Relationships

1. Pick someone close to you.

   List every judgment you’ve made about them (good and bad).

   ➤ How do they really make you feel—1 to 5?

   ➤ Do they deserve space in your life? Why or why not?

2. Write about a time you felt betrayed.

   ➤ Why did you expect them not to betray you?

   ➤ What entitlement might have been hiding behind your expectations?

3. Name a trait you dislike in your partner or ex.

   ➤ Where have you seen this trait in others before?

   ➤ When did it show up in your childhood?

   ➤ Why do you think this pattern repeats?

(Gentle reminder: This is not about shaming yourself or others—it’s about noticing and gently reclaiming your energy.)

🕯️ Why Projection Hurts… and Heals

When we project:

• We distort others.

• We avoid self-responsibility.

• We unconsciously ask others to carry what we won’t hold for ourselves.

But here’s the powerful part—when we recognize projection and gently welcome what we’ve exiled, we become whole again.

You no longer need to fix, chase, or avoid the outside world. You begin to live from the inside out.

✨ How to Start Integrating Your Shadow

• Notice what triggers you in others.

• Ask yourself: “What is this mirroring in me?”

• Invite it in. Name it.

• You don’t need to act on it—just acknowledge it’s there.

Over time, your reactions soften. Your clarity returns. You begin to see people as they are, not as reflections of your pain.

💬 Final Reflections

Shadow work in relationships is tender. It’s not easy to admit that the things that upset us most are often clues to something deeper. But this work is worth it. It frees us.

Every judgment is a mirror. Every emotional reaction is a compass. Every trigger is an invitation.

And slowly—softly—you come back to yourself.

🌸Blessed Be,

and may your heart meet its reflection with compassion.

— Bobbi Ann

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🌿 If today’s post spoke to you, the Soft Steps Companion Workbook offers more prompts, guided reflections, and creative exercises that pair with each part of this series. Learn more here.